Leanne’s story

One thing she really struggled with was having underwear on. I’d send her to nursery fully dressed, and by the time she came home she’d have taken off her socks, knickers and vest. It did seem unusual, but Lennon was our first child, so we didn’t have anything to compare with.

She also started having meltdowns. When my mum and sister looked after her whilst I was at work, and she could be jealous and aggressive towards her younger cousin.

Lennon’s nursery workers noted that these behaviours potentially pointed towards Lennon being autistic. However, I was concerned about ‘labelling’ her, and told myself that things would get better as she got older.

But in fact, things only got worse.

Once Lennon started primary school, she was having meltdowns every day, and her aggression caused problems at home too. When the pandemic hit, it just made the challenges we were facing even more difficult.

But as the rest of the country started getting back to normal, it seemed like we were the only ones who were still struggling. By now it was difficult to get Lennon to go to school at all, and her teachers noticed she was very anxious and would talk about morbid things. She also didn’t like brushing her teeth, so getting her to the dentist also became virtually impossible.

Thinking it would help provide some answers, when Lennon turned five I decided to speak to our GP. But it turned out to be a false hope. We were told that they couldn’t offer us any support, and I felt totally defeated.

“We were in the spotlight, but for all the wrong reasons.”

By this point, it seemed that Lennon, and our struggles as a family, were completely unnoticed. I was sure something wasn’t right, but as Lennon appears neurotypical on the surface, it was hard for others to see what we could.

It felt like we were in a spotlight, but for all the wrong reasons – Lennon as ‘the naughty child’, and me and Ziggy as bad parents. It was heartbreaking.

However, something happened after a particularly difficult morning with Lennon that would change everything for us.

I practically had to drag Lennon to school, and she was screaming when we finally got to the gates. As I was leaving, one of the teachers suggested I join the school’s monthly meeting for parents of autistic children.

Despite feeling reluctant, I decided to give it a go. I had no idea how much of an impact that one decision would have on our family.

“Autism Anglia’s support helped us feel totally validated.”

As I entered the room where the group met, they were looking out of the window at Lennon, who was still upset. I heard them say she was having an autistic meltdown.

That was the first time Lennon had truly been ‘seen’ by someone else. And in that moment, I felt like I had been seen too.

It was such a relief to hear it wasn’t just our family who were struggling. Debbie, the group leader, encouraged me to pursue an autism diagnosis again. The GP waiting list was around two years, so I knew that wasn’t an option.

So when Autism Anglia were recommended to us for a private assessment, I didn’t hesitate to contact them.

The team were fantastic from the start. They talked us through the whole assessment process, and worked with us to make sure Lennon felt comfortable on the day. When we arrived, I told the team how anxious Lennon was feeling. By the end, they’d completely won her around! It was so emotional.

But not as emotional as the phone call that evening, which confirmed that Lennon had been diagnosed with autism.

For the first time since Lennon was born, I felt totally validated. It was like the spotlight had been turned on to us again – but this time, it showed Lennon for who she really is, and what we’d been going through as a family.

“The diagnosis has helped us see Lennon more clearly.”

Having the diagnosis has literally transformed all our lives.

We now know why Lennon behaves the way she does. It’s helped her understand why she struggles sometimes, when other children don’t.

Me and Ziggy both feel we can see Lennon more clearly too. We can see that her after-school meltdowns came from her holding everything together during the day – no wonder she was so exhausted and overstimulated by home time! And we can see that her dislike of toothbrushing and the dentist is caused by her sensory issues.

We also accept that what’s ‘normal’ for other kids, might not be the same for Lennon. For instance, I would have encouraged her to go to birthday parties before – now we only go if she wants to.

It’s been great to see Lennon growing in confidence. She can see herself more clearly too – she’s developed her own style, and loves experimenting with her hair and clothes. We joke that she’ll end up working in fashion! She may wear clothes that other people wouldn’t necessarily put together, but she owns it and we love watching her identity unfolding in front of our eyes.

Autism Anglia have also been great. They’ve continued to check in with us and offer advice. And they’ve supported us through a secondary diagnosis for ADHD for Lennon too. I’m so grateful for everything they’ve done.

“I would shout about Autism Anglia from the rooftops.”

Thanks to Autism Anglia’s help, we’re optimistic about the future and feel much better placed to support Lennon, and each other. But most of all, we don’t feel invisible anymore.

Since learning more about neurodiversity, I’ve started to think I may have ADHD too, and we’ve noticed our son Van is showing similar behaviours to Lennon. So I don’t think our relationship with Autism Anglia is over just yet.

If I could shout from the rooftops about the difference they’ve made for our family, I would. If you’re looking to explore a diagnosis of autism or ADHD, reach out to them. It might just be the best decision you ever make!